Random Rantings #2

It’s another edition of random rantings. This time I discuss options for the NBA players during the lockout, WWE and CM Punk, my idea for ESPN Sportsnation, NFL lockout fall out, and some other stuff. Enjoy.

*According to my sources (guests on The Dan Patrick Show), there won’t be a NBA season this year. As a basketball fan who only cares about the sport during the playoffs and when I’m playing the NBA 2K series (one of the best sports games franchises ever), I have mixed feelings about no NBA season. On one hand, it’s great for the NHL because they’ll have the entire winter to themselves. On the other hand, I like watching the occasional NBA game because I like watching sports and I like watching the best.

I have two ideas for NBA players during the lockout. The first, according to my buddy Mike, can’t happen because once players sign with an agent, they lose college eligibility. I’m sure there’s a loophole to get out of that though, and if not, they can always take the trial to Florida, where they’re guaranteed to screw things up. If you’re following along, I want NBA players back in college. Players who went from high school to the pros can go to any college they want and form some super college team for all I care. Kevin Durant can head back to Texas for three years, Carmelo Anthony can go back to Syracuse for three years, ect…. We’re going to hear stories all winter about, “Durant was seen working out with the Texas Longhorns today.” So just put him on the team so we can see the best play. If Durant is going to be practicing with the Longhorns, I’d rather watch their practice than their actual game.

My second idea is that five of the best players, who are all business smart or at least surround themselves with smart business people (sorry LeBron James), should get together and join the YMCA recreational league. They could charge tickets to the games and given how desperate ESPN will be for programming, maybe they could get the games on TV. I don’t want them playing other NBA players either, I want Kobe Bryant, Chris Paul, Dwight Howard, and others taking on doctors and dentists who joined the league for fun because they needed to express their athletic side after being in an office all week. Bring in the Harlem Globetrotters for a game as well. It’ll endear the players to the fans even more because the fans will say, “These guys want to play so badly that they’re playing at the YMCA. Screw the owners.” Mainly I just want to see Dwight Howard dunk on the guy who fixes his teeth.

*There’s this show on ESPN called Sportsnation hosted by Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd. It’s a decent show that I watch from time to time but rarely watch the full hour, mainly because the show shouldn’t be an hour. The second half of the show is pretty much identical to the first, including two headlines segments where they do the exact same headlines. Since it doesn’t appear that they’re going to cut the show to a half-hour, I have a great idea to how they can keep the second half of the show interesting. Give Michelle Beadle her own segment. Most of the ESPN viewers are males and the only reason they’re watching Sportsnation is because of Beadle. She’s attractive, made even more so by the fact that she knows sports and is funny. I’d book a 7-10 minute segment that is nothing but Beadle talking about whatever she wants. Movies, music, gossip, whatever. I’d call it “Beatin’ Off to Beadle” but unless Todd Fritz is put in charge of ESPN, I doubt that name will fly. Whatever the name of the segment, I bet it would be the highest rated segment on each show.

*I’m glad the NFL lockout is over but I’m upset that we lost something in the process. Because it took these fools so long to decide whether or not they should make 400 billion dollars instead of 500 billion, we lost HBO Hard Knocks. Everyone knows that the NFL preseason is worthless unless your team has a rookie QB who might be your starter, which is why I actually care about the Carolina Panthers preseason this year. The only good thing about the preseason is Hard Knocks. Last year, HBO followed around the New York Jets, a team I care nothing about, and yet I found myself following the teams entire preseason. I wanted to watch their games and I kept up on their transactions because I wanted to know what happened and how it would all play out on Hard Knocks. If you’re going to cancel Hard Knocks, you may as well just cancel the entire preseason. Not this upcoming preseason though, because I need to see how Cam Newton plays.

*Wrestling is fun again thanks to CM Punk. WWE finally let a guy who hasn’t been shoved down our throats for years be himself on TV and it’s resulted in the most interesting period in wrestling in years. I’ve always been a fan of CM Punk because he’s a great promo and wrestler. It’s great to finally see him get a chance on the big stage to really shine. Hopefully WWE continues down this road and lets a guy like Daniel Bryan (maybe better known as Bryan Danielson) take the ball and run with it as well. Daniel Bryan is another guy who is a good talker, maybe the best wrestler in the world, and hasn’t been on top of the world for years now. WWE knows how to create stars, they’ve done it throughout history. They just need to let guys be themselves and have some control over how they’re booked. That’s why The Miz failed as champion. He was himself but was booked so bad that no one took him serious. WWE is so infatuated with writers that they don’t realize that they don’t need writers. They need “overseers.” Guys that oversee the big picture but let the wrestlers come up with their own ideas and stories. They’re wrestlers. The simple fact that they got into wrestling shows that they’re creative enough to do their own thing.

*I’m starting a new tradition, when a celeb dies, I’m going to celebrate their life exactly how they lived it. When Amy Winehouse passed away this past weekend, I called up my dealer and got the finest rock he had for sale. If I had started this when Ryan Dunn passed away, I would have gone to the local Food Lion, got into a shopping cart, and had someone push me into a curb. If Hugh Hefner ever dies, I’m gonna walk around in my pajamas all day and hook up with blondes. I think everyone should follow me in this tradition. If you really want to celebrate the life of someone, don’t start stealing their music or movies when you really don’t care to listen to or watch them. Don’t go on Twitter or FaceBook and say how sad you are when really you don’t give a shit. Do what they would want you to do and live how they lived. That’s how you pay tribute to someone passing away.

*The X Games start on July 28th and I’m pumped. I love any sporting event that’s only highlighted for a few days once a year. You put up with the ESPN/ABC coverage for four days and then it goes away for 360 days. I never really know when the X Games are, except for the week before the event when all the ads are running on ESPN, but when I see that first ad, I immediately check out the schedule of events and plan accordingly. I always make sure to watch anything involving skateboard vert and motorcycles. I love the skateboard and moto best trick events because we get to see the creativity of the athletes. If you’re not doing anything this weekend, watch the X Games. Even if guys nearly killing themselves isn’t your thing, Jenn Brown is part of the broadcast team and your eyes deserve to view her.

*I watch a lot of SpongeBob SquarePants. It’s part of my plan to stay young. Like anyone who has watched multiple episodes of the show, I notice that there are a lot of dirty jokes/references in the show. I had this idea to create a website called SpongeBobGayPants.com where I would list all the adult/questionable jokes from each episode. Then I realized it would take too much time and not be worth it in the long run. All I’m saying though, is that if someone eventually creates this website, I want royalties.


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